Call me, beep me if ya wanna reach me

I always thought those guys who wear their cellphones in little holsters on their belts were trying to either show off how popular they are ("people call me so much i need instant access to my phone") or they wanted to be like Batman, with a bunch of little devices attached to their utility belts. Why else would anyone attach those things to their belt when just a few inches away is a pocket where they could just keep their phone.

Unlike women's clothing, men have pockets everywhere. On the sides & backs of our pants, on our shirts, on the outside & inside of our jackets. If you put on cargo pants you could have up to 14 pockets in which to store things. So there really is no need to have these belt cell phone holders, or so I thought, until I lost my phone. I didn't leave it anywhere, I guess I leaned too far back in the seat of some train & it slid out of my pocket.

As soon as I got to my office I called my phone & it rang until it went to voicemail, so it was above ground somewhere, ringing. I called again & someone found it because they clicked on "ignore" & I went to voicemail. The next time I called I went straight to voicemail. Someone turned off my phone even though my office # & home # is in my address book as "me" so they saw that the owner was calling & they shut off my phone anyway! i thought maybe they wanted to keep it as their own. But that doesn't make any sense.

Operator I need an exitmy phone is old. It isn't a kewl Matrix phone. It can't even handle multimedia texts. It can't surf the web & doesn't have a qwerty keypad or a stylus, it doesn't have a touchscreen or slide, it isn't even a flip phone so you can hang up on people the way Jack Bauer does on 24. It's so old that the colors have faded & the rubber protectors on the sides have worn off. I've always had international calls blocked & according to my t-mobile account, there haven't been any phone calls or text messages since I lost it. The only logical explanation is that some kid (& by "kid" I mean some moron or criminal) found it & thought it would be funny to throw it away when they saw that the owner was calling. They obviously didn't keep it for their own use. Maybe they donated my old phone to a museum. It's so old that when I made calls, the operator picked up & had to plug a wire into a switchboard.

Luckily I had a spare phone that I bought when I thought I broke it 2 years ago. The volume was really low & I thought I broke the speaker, so I bought a copy of the exact same model on ebay. But I didn't need to replace my phone at the time.

It turns out I had just lowered the volume in the middle of a call.


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